A Vulnerable Heart

   

"My child, where is your vulnerable heart?"  I heard God whisper to me late one night as I cried, wishing I could fall asleep.  I was going through a really hard time, wishing that the situation had never taken place.  I felt I couldn't let anyone know I was hurting, despite my heart crying for someone to hold me close.
     This was a lesson that God had been working on with me for a couple months now.  I had met some people at my college group I was attending, and I was to the point where I started craving friendship again, despite the fact that I had been hurt so much in my past.
     I didn't understand what a vulnerable heart meant at first.  I would go back to scripture that said guard your heart (Proverbs 4:23), and that is exactly what I intended to do, because I did not want to get hurt again.  God came back stronger “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”  (Proverbs 3:5-6)
            “Okay God, I will try.”  I know he does not expect me to be some miracle worker.  He knows I will fail at the task of exposing my heart to the people he has put in my life, but I was willing to do my best. 
            It did not occur to me until a few weeks later, why God has asked me to have a vulnerable heart, where there are no walls.  He has called us into relationships.  Not just with him, but also with the people he has placed into our lives.  It isn’t a good idea to let anybody in whenever they feel like it.  Your soul should be locked into God’s, but it means that when you are in need of godly counsel, or are giving counsel, that you need to open up your heart. 
            God ended up answering my deep prayers for someone to see my pain, but it wasn’t until I opened up and admitted to friends that I was struggling.  It wasn’t easy to admit things that had happened.  I wanted to run and hide, partially because it was painful, but more than anything I was scared that my friends would take these intimate details and use them against me.
            Vulnerability is a scary thing.  So often there is an emphasis on this world to act tough.  You hear things like “Real men don’t cry,”  “Cowgirls don’t cry,”  “Man up,” or even “Don’t be such a baby.”  However, I don’t think that is true.  I think it takes a truly strong person to show their emotions, because in that moment you are putting everything on the line, and saying “I’m human, I don’t have it all together.” 
            The good news is God doesn’t expect us to have it all together.  He wants us to come to him weary, and cry in his arms, so that he can renew our strength.  It doesn’t matter how well you fool others, you cannot fool God.  That amazes me, and is another lesson entirely, but it also amazes me how God has set up our relationships here on earth. 
            Jesus calls us his friends (John 15:14-15).  We are called to love one another as Jesus has loved us (John 13:34).  If we are involved in godly friendships we should be vulnerable.  We should be able to cry, and pray over each other.  We are not perfect, and we won’t become perfect until we are in Heaven with Christ.  We will hurt each other in this life, sometimes intentionally, sometimes not.  That does not give us to go against God’s plan and stay isolated so that we cannot be hurt.  We just end up hurting ourselves when we enter that position. 
            One more thing to consider.  God has commanded us to encourage one another (1 Thessalonians 5:11, Hebrews 10:23-25), and bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2).  I know how hard it is to trust when your heart has been trampled on and abused by people you thought you could trust, but God has commanded us to be in relationship. 
           Oh, and as I opened up my heart to my sisters in Christ I started finding healing in it all, and I was able to be ministered into better handling my situation. 

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
9Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. 10For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.  But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up.  11Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; but how can one be warm alone? 12Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.  And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.