"He
himself bore our sins" in his body on the cross, so that we might die
to sins and live for righteousness; "by his wounds you have been
healed." 1 Peter 2:24
On February 13, 2013 I was attacked by two guys and raped. Every day since, this has haunted me, but a couple months ago I decided to finally start seeking some help. I finally decided I truly wanted to move past all of this.
But wow has it been a battle. Every day I find myself battling with shame, pain, disgrace, helplessness, and anger. I have so many questions, and so few answers. And I'm sure if you asked God he would tell you that I through so many spiritual tantrums over what happened to me.
One question in particular though, I wanted to share with you. You see, I find myself asking a lot "God, why do I have to deal with THEIR sin?" This is usually followed by a statement similar to "It's not fair!" And as I sat there in a bathroom last night crying my heart out, those words slipped out again. But I also realized something else.
It wasn't fair. It isn't fair at all that I have to deal with the weight of someone else's sin. That I should have to work through the healing process because of a choice they made, and I wanted no part of. But then I wonder, how fair was it that Jesus had to go to the cross and die for all of our sins? That He took on the weight of the world and literally died, going to the pits of hell before rising again, so that we did not have to pay a price we should have to pay (death). You see, the only difference between Him and me when it comes to bearing sin that is not your own, is that He did it willingly. He willingly handed His life over. Willingly allowed mere humans, his very own creation, to mock him, curse him, torture him, and ultimately kill him in the most painful, humiliating way. All so that we didn't have to bear the price of our sins. And then I realized that I have been quite selfish.
Now I'm not saying that this makes what happened okay. Jesus' crucifixion was not okay, even though God allowed it, and my sexual assault wasn't okay, even though God allowed it. But God truly can work things for HIS glory. Satan figured He had ultimately defeated God by killing Christ, that is until Christ rose from the dead.
So maybe you have a situation where you are feeling defeated. You see no redemption for the weight of sin, either your own or someone else's. Maybe Satan thinks he has won. But hold your head up high and fight, because you will rise again. God is already on your side, and He already has a plan in all of this too.
Sidenote, I am not even close to living all of this out. God calls us to a higher place. A place we cannot reach on our own. He also knows we are humans and will fail, but we must continually strive to finish the race strong. To recieve the crown of righteousness by following Christ.
"but [Jesus] made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men.
8
And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and
became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross.
9
Therefore God also has highly exalted Him and given Him the name which is above every name,
10
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those in heaven, and of those on earth, and of those under the earth,"
Philippians 2:6-10
